T.A.B.O.O. ~ Talking About Being Open with Others

I need a support group. I need a surgical menopause, medical mistreatment, premature sibling deaths, autoimmune diseases, hormonal hell, Mayo Clinic patient, marathon tackler, life affirming but it will never be the same Support Group. Big problem: can't find one in my area.

So, I start walking (best physical and emotional therapy), but it doesn't always help. I get lonely. So I go on Facebook. I write a blog about my experiences and lessons. Still lonely. I like to actually talk to people. I talk to my dear hubby (for the 5 millionth time), I talk to my friends (the ones that are still around). They're kind of at a loss. They have witnessed my traumas the last 2 years, they see I'm still not the same, but don't have the foggiest idea of what to do to help. I know that sometimes there isn't anything that makes it better, sometime it just is. I keep fighting on, trying to develop a new sense of "normalcy." I have victories that bring me great happiness. I have moments that drop me back on my knees. I am frustrated.

I search for a support group...again. No luck. They don't even have a surgical menopause group for my age in all of Southern California tha I can find. If I want to discuss some of what I'm facing, I can hit the senior center, but I'm only 40. So what's my point?!?

I've come to the conclusion lately that we still have taboos, things we just don't want to discuss. I can see the physical recoil in the people I know, who genuinely care about me, when I bring up some of the things I've gone thru recently. It's hard for them to relate. It's hard to know what to say. Because many of us don't talk openly about the really tough stuff: illness, divorce, war, death, prison, financial hardship, mental disease, job loss, suicide, murder, rape, betrayal, and so on. When we go thru it, we brush it under the table, just wanting to fit in and be "normal." When we have not experienced it, we want to pretend it does't exist, like it can't be so close to our lives that we can almost touch it. That's why support groups pop up for almost everything from diabetes, to fibromyalgia, bereavement groups, to cardiac care, because sometimes people can ban together to support each other during an especially difficult time of life.

But I'm still searching for my support group. In the meantime, I'm going to keep on sharing my experiences, victories and frustrations right here on my blog. Encouraging not only myself, but others to Talk About Being Open with Others (T.A.B.O.O.s) I know I'm not alone. I hope my openness will touch another person who needs to feel that we all have struggles we deal from time to time. No life is untouched by some pain and sadness, it's just a matter of how you choose to tackle it.

The best advice I've heard online recently that really touched my heart and bolstered my spirit, "Trouble is a part of your life. If you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you chance to love you enough." ~Dinah Shore

Pretty In Peeps

 Pretty In Peeps:  1 part Raspberry Vodka, 2 parts Blood Orange Italian Soda. Add with ice to a shaker, twist and shout, and pour into pretty glass.  Add pink Peep to top of glass with a straw and enjoy the instant sunshine!

Springtime is in the air (in theory- it's been cold, wet, and frigidly breezy most of this spring so far where I am, but hey, I'll play along!)  A renewal of life (well, I mean let's not go crazy here, I'm renewing life and all, but let's keep it in perspective, this ain't no cake walk.)  Easter hops to us like a cute fuzzy little bunny (that sometimes craps on you) with the warm glow of rebirth, and a spiritual awakening.

So speaking of warmth and spirits, I made up a special cocktail for the occasion while staring at an 18 pack of Peeps wondering what the hell those are really good for (not a fan!)  I've been thinking about how different this Easter will be then in the past 8 years.  No Easter party at our house, no epic egg hunt, surrounded by friends and family.  Instead, this year my small little family of 3 will be muscling our way through the buffet line at a mexican restaurant and hanging out at the Angel's game trying to pretend that summer is getting closer and closer.  I've had to come to the conclusion that sometimes, I just don't have the umph to do what I used to and what I still might want to do.  Yup, the old grey mare ain't what she used to be (hate that expression, by the way.)   When life sidetracks you or points you in a new direction, it's good to take notice and adjust to the new course ahead, never giving up on yourself, but realizing that change is not only a part of life, but a necessary one. Which brings me back to spirits and warmth.

I love a good cocktail here and there (wherever I can grab one!)  While I am mainly a beer and wine kind of gal, I am a sucker for a festive martini.  Mind you, I said "festive" not "tasty" "strong" or "stiff."   The one thing I love most about martinis is the look.  It's like picking your wine by the label,  I adore a great looking martini.  The glassware, the garnishes, pretty colors, and yes, it should be delish, but after a few sips, I can overcome that if it looks great.  Why, you may ask?!?  Because this Queenie loves a splash of color and liveliness in her Queeniedom.  It's so easy to get bogged down with the machine of life, but a great cocktail can magically transport you to another time, another era, another place, even if for a bit.  Mind you, 2 or 3 martinis can really transport you somewhere else, that might not be so pretty, so I'm not advocating that necessarily.  But, at the right moment, a fabulous martini can take the place of a bubble bath, a massage, or a spur of the moment jet away to Europe.

Which, once again, brings me back to warmth, spirits, springtime, Easter, and those dang Peeps that are everywhere this time of year.  While this year's Easter holiday will be different, I'm still a creative gal who misses the outlet of prepping for the big Easter bash.  Soooooo, I made up a new cocktail instead:  Pretty In Peeps!  A fruity, yummy splash of spring guaranteed to melt away the chill in the air and transport you to a land of sugary happiness, if only for an hour of the day!  Perhaps, you too, will find yourself knee deep in marshmallow nastiness and vodka and in need of a little vacay on your Easter Sunday.  If so (and you're of age, of course), stop what you're doing,  make a Pretty In Peeps and count the blessings that surround you (we all have them!) 

Now this is just my simple recipe that I found extra divine, but you may have your own favorite Easter or spring cocktail and I would love to hear about it!  Bonus points if it includes Peeps (did you know Peeps soaked in booze are MUCH better-true story, try it for yourself!)  There's even a great website for Peep Cocktails if you're interested: http://www.peepdrinks.com/about/  Check it out!!  Cheers to good health and happiness to all of you in Queenies & Martinis Land!!

The C.R.A.P. Is Back!

I'm loving the feedback from my friends on blog tips and suggestions.  It spurs the flow of creativity, which has always been a part of me.  I was reminded that back in the day (like last year), when I was in the middle of my undiagnosed and improperly treated illness hell, I used to post occasional quips I called my Calming Reaffirmations And Positivities (C.R.A.P.)  Being a sarcastic Queenie, I would zing out little bits of humorous bullsheesh in an attempt to keep me out of the depths of despair in the midst of some seriously scary medical frustrations.

Well, this year is different for me.  I can't help but carry the wounds and scars (many of them literally after 3 abdominal surgeries), but I am desperate to look forward, rebuild, heal, move on, get a grip, think of something new, get over it,  yada yada yada... So when I got an email requesting some of my C.R.A.P. and S.H.I.T. (Serious Health Interest Topics) be posted on my blog,   I'm kind of ashamed to admit that I had forgotten all about them.  They were part of my small lifeline to sanity, along with the Dolly Lamba (stuffed animal) and the Medical Magic 8 Ball (medical decision aid) that I used to navigate the scariest years I hope to ever know.  Shame on me for tossing my loyal aids aside now that I'm not in dire health needs!

It's time to bring back the C.R.A.P.!  As soon as I figure out how to separate it from the blog pack, it will have it's own space of honor on this site.  Little quips and ramblings that I come across or pass through my head that I'd love to blurt out in public if I thought anyone would listen.  I hope you like them and feel free to add a tasteful C.R.A.P. of your own if the moment so moves you :-)

Today's Calming Reaffirmations And Positivities (C.R.A.P.) ~  "Stay busy, get plenty of excersize, and don't drink too much.  Then again, don't drink too little."  ~Herman Smith-Johannsen

Don't Be A Drag, Just Be A Queenie!

I've had lots of blog ideas rattling around my Queenie brain the last couple of weeks, but I've been extra cautious to publish anything.  To be honest, I've been in somewhat of an emotional and personal slump since I walked the LA Marathon a couple of weeks ago.   It's a lot of things, all playing at once, LAM didn't provide the "feel good" factor I had hoped for because of it's horrific weather conditions.  The anniversary of my brother and sister's deaths have been weighing heavy in my heart.  And sometimes, the enormity of all that's been lost the last 2 years hits me randomly and overwhelmingly.  My health,  family, deaths, finances, friendships and social support have all been dramatically altered and while I am working to piece back my life in a healthy, positive way, there are days when I'm just not feelin' it!  I feel like a drag.  I don't feel like a Queenie. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sulking in a corner having a non-stop pity party, unable to cope.  But I'm also not always my vibrant sunshiney self that is my true inner nature.  I'm a doer.  I'm positive.  I'm goal oriented.  I'm optomistic.  I'm energetic.  I'm happy.  I'm a Queenie. But while those personal attributes are not gone, they're also not at the surface as much as I like.  They are constantly negotiating with my other "newer" self.  I'm stressed. I'm overwhelmed.  I'm sad.  I'm scared.  I'm lonely. I'm tired. I'm confused.  I'm impatient.  I'm mad.  I'm frustrated.  I'm a drag.

I talked to a friend today who was asking about my blog and commenting on how she enjoys it. I mentioned that I have lots of ideas I'd love to jot down, but have been a little blue off and on the last couple of weeks and didn't want the blog to turn into a whine fest (a wine fest, on the other hand, would be totally appropriate and VERY ok!) She told me "but that's what a blog is for...to tell your story."  You see,  I've been concerned about dragging  people down or giving eveyone the wrong impression that I'm not grateful for my many, many blessings and ultimately I see my recent experiences as a life changer for the better.  I always hope for a positive purpose even under the ugliest of circumstances.  As Lady GaGa says, "Don't be a drag, just be a queen!"  But, my friend had a valid point.

I'm going to amend that quote to "Don't be a drag, just be a Queenie!"  I'm still a work in progress. I'm still mourning a mountain of losses.   I feel guilty for the sadness and fear my health and it's consequences has instilled in my family and myself.  I'm vulnerable.  I'm not pitiable.  I'm uncertain.  I'm not weak. I'm a fighter.  I'm still positive.  I'm not a quitter.  It's ok to sometimes be a drag. I am STILL a Queenie!!

I share my story and experiences knowing I can't be the only one feeling this way.  Hoping my honesty will shine the light for someone else who might need it, all the while helping myself on the road to recovery.  Please feel free to share if you know someone who might need the support. 

Long Live the Queenies!

What's a Queenie?!  I've been asking myself that for a few days now.  I mean, I know why I named my blog Queenies & Martinis ~ I like martinis... and it rhymed. Thinking about what to write and what not to write here, has caused me to put a little thought into what I mean by a "Queenie."

I know what I don't want it to mean.  I don't want it to stand for someone too superior, someone too proper, someone who's out of sync with the real world, someone who's experiences are not relatable or are just resting on their laurels, and to be honest... someone's who's old!  Don't get me wrong, age is a perfect way to gage the mileage and milestones of your life.  I am not now, nor have I ever been afraid of aging...naturally.  It's the unnatural aging that has gone on since my hysterectomy that I'm afraid of.  You know, showing more miles on the car than what's been actually driven. 

I guess that's why I like the term "Queenie."  It makes me think of a woman no longer a princess (thank goodness!) and not quite a full blown Queen.  A gal stuck in the middle of thinking life is figured out, and then being hit with the big girl problems that shows her she still has no clue.  "Queenie" perfectly denotes the balance that my friends and myself are facing now~ juggling multiple aspects of life all at one time.  Making sure you have enough time and energy for your kids, spouse, job, volunteering, friends, family, and of course, yourself  (which always seems the hardest part to balance.)  It's the ying and yang of the world constantly at play within your own body, mind, and life.  I think that's why many of us struggle when extra pressures and stresses present itself during these "middle" years (hate that saying by the way.)  In many ways, I feel the strength and experience to competently reign over my Queeniedom, but in a split moment, I can instantly feel utter vulnerability that I haven't been in touch with since adolescence.

To me, a Queenie is just trying to keep her head up, and crown on straight, while trying to balance everyday life, and navigate the new issues that naturally come up (whether you're ready or not.)  Luckily,  I know a lot of fabulous Queenies!  Women who are keeping a positive and "can do" outlook on life even in the face of challenging health problems, kid drama, marriage ups and downs, friendship changes, aging parents, death of loved ones,  money crisis, and career changes.  It's those Queenies I see everyday on Facebook and at the ball park, the soccer field, the coffee shop, or my son's school, that let me know I'm not alone as I navigate my own life changes and challenges.  When a Queenie slips or falls, she knows that it's not the end of the world, no matter how bad it looks!  Just pick yourself up, dust your crown off, and keep moving forward!  So, Queenies Unite!  Long live the Queenies!!

Sleepy Ladies (Tylenol PMd It)

 Sleepless nights suck!!  I've been having a bunch of them lately so thought I'd take Beyonce's "Single Ladies" song and revamp it to better suit my needs.  Sing along if you're feeling me...  

All the sleepy ladies! (all the sleepy ladies) 
All the sleepy ladies! (all the sleepy ladies)        
Now throw your covers off!                                                                                                     Up in the night, just woke up, I'm sweatin' like it's 115!                                               Did I set the alarm code? Damn I feel old!                                                                     
Guess I'm watchin' some mindless TV.                                                                              
I'm up all night. Makes me quite a morning sight.                                                    I'm livin' sleep dep-ri-va-tion!                                                                                                 
Been cryin' my tears, for 2 bad years,                                                                                 I deserve sleep to come nat-ur-ally!!   
                                                                                                               
 If I want it, then I shoulda Tylenol PMd it!                                                                      If I like it, then I shoulda Tylenol PMd it!                                                                Martini or Margarita might do  it...                                                                                But if I need it, then I shoulda Tylenol PMd it!!         

WUH-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh!  NOW I'm cold, Uh, oh, oh, OH!                              

 I had a margarita on my lips. A burrito's stickin' to my hips.                               And now my pants are always tight on me!                                                                  My gut's actin' up cause I had drink in my cup!                                                             Hey, don't sit there and judge on me!                                                                                  I need no permission, didn't I mention,                                                                                I've got major sleep dep-ri-va-tion!                                                                                     My tummy takes a turn, and I'm startin' to learn,                                                 Sleeps the one thing I miss 'bout being 20!!                                                                                               

If I want it, then I shoulda Tylenol PMd it!                                                                       If I like it, then I shoulda Tylenol PMd it!                                                                            Martini or a Margarita might do it...                                                                              but if I need it, then I shoulda Tylenol PMd it!!  

WUH-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!  Laundry I'll fold...Uh, oh, oh, OH!                                        

 (My big diva solo...)                                                                                                              DON'T push that homeopathic stuff onto me world!                                                                                                                                                  I'm not that Suzanne Sommers girl!             
OTC meds are what I prefer.  What I deserve...                                                             Is a pill that's easy on me... then takes me... and delivers me                                 To a dreamland destiny to infinity and beeeyoooond!                                                Eight hours ain't so long. Sweet sleep inside my home.                                          But if I don't...                                                                                                                          "Was that a noise? Ugh, IT was a snore!"                                                                        And then Poof!  Sleep is gone!!!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          (Now everybody..)  
        
All the sleepy ladies! (all the sleepy ladies) 
All the sleepy ladies! (all the sleepy ladies)     
Now your covers back on!                                                                                                      WUH-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!  THIS GETS OLD, oh, oh, OH!!                     


Good night everybody!  Sweet, sweet slumber and happy dreams!!