I Need An App For That!

 

I have no shame in admitting that I've become quite the internet and smart phone junkie.  I'm the least technologically advanced person in my household, but years of battling a chronic illness tends to render one with a crapload of time on one's hands, and a desperate need to still feel connected to the outside world.  So, iPhone, iPad, netbook, bring it on...I'm now a reluctant techno addict. 

A casual glance through my iPhone will reveal a lot about my guys, since I hardly ever download apps myself.  Hmmm, let's review, there's the Facebook app (duh), YouTube (again, obviously), Fandango, Amazon and WebMD.  All very useful.  Then there's also a couple of gems like:  Compass (I don't go too far these days, but it always points me in the right direction to my bathroom), Stachematic (I look best in the handlebar version), Coin Flip (for when I need to decide if it's time to go to the ER yet or if I should tackle the monster task of taking a shower). And the family favorite, Fart for Free, handy when my GI issues and the joy of living with 2 males and a funky beagle aren't enough musical accompaniment to keep life unique and fresh, so to speak. Lately, however, it's occurred to me that while I have lots of fun, informative, and compelling apps to get me through my days, there are loads of new app ideas I can come up with that would definitely make my menoPOTS life that much easier.  Here's a few I humbly submit for Apple's consideration...

• POTSdoc App- A cross between Talking Tomcat and Siri, where you can instantly pull up a seasoned POTS or dysautonomia specialist equipped with FAQ and use it to instantly help you through a tachy or syncope crisis, or it can hologram itself to help explain your weird condition to family, friends, and the occasional stranger or EMT who might wonder why you're hanging out on the floor.  I need an app for that!

• Mother Says App- Perhaps something like this is out there, but I have yet to find it in the 500,000+ apps in the App Store.  Mother Says, and it's partner app Father Says, can record your voice with numerous sayings you belt out to your children on any given day.  "Did you take out the trash?"  "Pick that up!" "Did you finish your homework?"  You could easily record your own common parental rantings, in your own stern parental tone, and walk around the house pushing the magic buttons that would subsequently belt out your commands, saving your voice and energy for other more important tasks...like facebook and pintrest.  The Honey Says app would be super helpful too!  Sayings like "Did you pay that bill yet?"  "Come on, would it kill you to put down the toilet seat?"  and  "Is it happy hour yet?!?" would also be super helpful for me.  I would totally buy that app!!

• Medical Mirror-  There are many times I've looked in the mirror thinking I look like death, because I don't quite look like myself and I feel like death on the inside, only to run into a friend or acquaintance who reminds me how fabulous I look, so I must be better.  Don't get me wrong, I love getting compliments, but when you are using every fiber of your being to just get dressed and walk out the door, there are moments that you secretly wish others could see you the way you truly feel inside, if only for the better understanding factor. The Medical Mirror app would use the camera feature, so you can take a self portrait or use it just as a mirror and it would reflect back the image of how you truly feel inside.  Kinda like so:

  

  Feeling like a million bucks, thanks!
  Forty is the new 90!

   

  
  

  

  Just keep smiling...

• What Was I Saying/Doing Again?!? App- Ok, now this one has a much broader consumer base.  I know a bunch of teens, middle agers, old folks, and sickies (like myself) who get stuck in a moment of brain fog and distraction and totally lose track of what they were saying and/or doing.  This could definitely be a big seller!  Using GPS technology, Siri voice response and recording, and maybe even the camera feature, you can activate your WWISDA app to be your little eyes and ears as you roam about the day.  Hit a glitch mid sentence in a convo, roam into a room not remembering why, just ask "What Was I Saying/Doing Again?!?" and the app would automatically play back the last 20 seconds of your convo, or show you a picture/video of what you were doing 1-5 minutes previously, and/or chart a course on where you came from and the likely hood of where you were heading too.  POTS and menopause has definitely done a number on my brain, so I could REALLY use an app for that!

Well, there it is, my 2 cents for the app world.  Oh sure, there's many more random app ramblings gurgling in my foggy brain, but even just these few would help a Queenie out loads.  Too bad I'm not bright enough to produce them.  Guess I'll have to leave that part up to someone else.  Do you have a brilliant or sarcastic app idea?!  I'd love to hear it!!