Mourning Tribute

April 5th marks the one year date that my mother, two sisters, myself and the rest of our family buried my brother, who passed away of a heart attack in the car while traveling with another sister to visit my other sister, who died just three days later from Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Meanwhile, in another state, I was undergoing multiple MRIs, CT scans, and visits to a Neurologist and several other specialists to help diagnose why my brain and body were spinning out of control.

I received last minute medical approval to travel to their dual funerals.  The sadness of that time is still overwhelming. Our family was forever shattered, and my mom was forced to suffer the unthinkable, not only burying one child, but two at the same time. With the death of another sister, a baby girl who lived to be a year old with a heart condition, my mother had the horrific honor of placing half of her six children into God's eternal care.

My two sisters and I spoke at their funerals. As the one year anniversary approaches, I'd like to share my sentiments that I spoke on that heart wrenching day...

"Being the youngest of my brother and sisters, by a few years, has given me a different perspective. Much of their early years were gone. Paul was a young adult and Malinda a teen by the time I was fully aware. Hearing them talk about the old house, the fun family parties, family trips, and of course, church pageants and events, always made me wish I could have been there and enjoyed the youth of my bright eyed, super intelligent brother, and my toe haired and very nurturing older sister. But the truth is, that while I might not remember their youth, my brother and sisters have always remembered mine. Each of them, whether they ever knew it or not, have been my teachers as I've grown and developed. I have looked up to each and every one of them at some point in my life. Like when I visited Paul at the University radio station, watching him engineer the Big Board...I was so mesmerized. He was so very smart, just naturally. Or when my sister Malinda took my five year old body and hoisted me on her shoulders for a pageant routine. She was so shaky at that young age, but she gritted thru and pulled it off on shear determination. I've watched and learned so very much from my siblings...my teachers. They each have played a pivotal role in the person I am today. I am painfully sad that our family is so dramatically altered, but I am so grateful for the lessons taught by my brother, Paul, and sister, Malinda, and I am comforted that they can both now Rest In Peace. I love you both."

Merry Menopause: How I Went From Ginger to Mrs. Howell In 90 Minutes

What's the difference between these three icons from Gilligan's Island?  Oh sure, about 20 years, but guess what else?  Menopause!!  Yup,  I'm now convinced that's what made Ginger and Mary Ann the stars in the battle of the beauties while Mrs. Howell was trying to fit in!

I know because I used to feel a lot more like Ginger. But since my surgical total hysterectomy two years ago, I can now relate a lot more to Mrs. Howell.  Look, I get it, women have been griping about their menstrual cycle since they first got it, and it doesn't stop until they don't have it anymore. Then they complain about the after effects of not having a period.  It's an old story, but frankly, women (like me, and my family, and my friends, and the neighbors, and those with daughters) need to know that the insanity that can be your female organs, or lack thereof, is not all in your head.  I now am living proof!

Before TAH/BSO (hysterectomy), I had tons of energy, felt vibrant and useful taking care of my family and everyone else around me whether they wanted it or not, taking on the world and never saying "No!" - Ginger.  Since instant menopause at the age of 38, I struggle to maintain any form of energy, I focus on taking care of my family and worry less about taking care of everyone else, and "no" has become a regular part of my vocab- Mrs. Howell.

In my Ginger days, my hair and skin was healthy and glowing.  My eyes were bright and shiny.  In my Mrs. Howell stage, my psoriasis is going nuts, my hair and skin is drier than the Mohave Desert,  keeping my eyes hydrated is a full time job.  Ginger days- I could keep tabs of not only my tasks and events, but those of everyone I knew and their family, all at the top of my head!  Mrs. Howell days- I'm lucky if I can remember...wait... what was I saying?!?

The Ginger in me relished the thought of not having to deal with a period anymore.  No more female products to pay for, don't have to worry about unplanned pregnancies, no more cramps, mid-month bloating and PMS.  I could wear all the white I wanted!  The Mrs. Howell in me has been juggling hormone replacement therapy, acid reflux meds, bone density screenings, mammograms, newly diagnosed thyroid disease, sleep deprivation,  menopause supplements (that don't work), crying like a baby, bloating ALL THE TIME, and being so bitter about not being a Ginger, that I haven't  even had time to think about not having my period anymore.

I spent many, many months working hard and raging against my body's new reality, desperate to get my Ginger back. But you know what?!?  I finally came to the conclusion that I might not ever get back to my Ginger stage, but being Mrs. Howell isn't all that bad.  Mrs. Howell always had herself together. She was the matriarch of the group, still very fashionable, and did you ever notice how relaxed she always was?  She was always so calm and didn't take the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was the Queen of K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid).  I think her and Thurston were the only ones who felt like they were really on vacation. She could keep up with everyone else, when she chose too, but didn't get sucked into the duties she didn't want to.  Some of it comes naturally with age, but being 40 with a hysterectomy, I know a lot of that comes from menopause! 

One of my big lessons learned:  Don't always wish for what you don't have or what is now lost, embracing what you are left with can save a lot of time and frustration and just might be exactly what you were meant to experience and be at this moment anyway!

What do you think?  Your comments and feedback are always welcomed!

Suck It Up Kiddo!

So, I'm a middle aged mom.  VERY stereotypical...I guess.   I've got a great husband, a fabulous kid, wonderful friends, perfect dog, nice home, I stay at home, I am on the PTA, I drive a whatever those new SUV type cars are.  Basically, I'm average.  I started this blog, however, because the last two years of my life have been anything but magical. The last two years have properly plucked me out of my quaint, sheltered, suburban lifestyle and dropped me on my ass in the middle of what I often thought must be a form of hell.  I know I am not alone.  I know the last couple of years, maybe more, have thrown a ton of challenges to most of you out there.  You might not have my circumstances, but I bet you can rattle off a whole slew of issues that have come into your life that you didn't quite think you had signed up for. 

I've had to strip down life and reflect on what really, truly matters.  I guess it must be different for everyone, but for me it really clarified what is and what is not important.  As a side note, I've got two years worth of complaining and analyzing that I can share with you, but I thought I'd start out simple with an expression my mom used to always tell me (and I frankly hear myself tell my kid): "Suck it up kiddo!" "Develop a tougher skin!"  "No one said life would be easy...(now everyone chime in with me)...or FAIR!"  Yup, I'm sure we've all heard it, and when you get to my age, you think you kind of figured it out. Well, I quickly learned that I didn't quite have life down pat like I thought I did. 

It makes me think, how do you "suck it up?!?"  Since my early 20's, I've turned to walking, more specifically, long distance walking.  It's been a coping mechanism that I can always turn to when I need to clear my mind, work the kinks out of my body, and feel like I have control and can accomplish something great.  I've done 2 marathons and one 1/2 marathon, all with my loving husband before my surgical hysterectomy and subsequent health decline 2 years ago.  During these last couple of years, while trying to find answers and help for my rapid decent into immobility, the one activity I could always count on, walking, was not available to me.  I would try and try, but my body just couldn't respond. It forced me to look elsewhere for help and support to get me through my dark days.  That's when I discovered not only the strength of my immediate family and closest friends, but the power of social networking.  It became a lifeline for the long and lonely days I would be laying in my bed.  I had no interest in electronic socializing before, but when my world came crashing down, I couldn't get enough of it!  It never replaced my beloved walking, but Facebook became my new BFF!  I even hosted Virtual Happy Hours when I couldn't talk (ugh) or maintain any form of stamina (double ugh)!!  It was a blessing that no matter what I was going through, someone on the other side of the iPhone or computer was there to help me "suck it up" and get on to the next day.

I'm happy to report that I eventually found the medical care I needed that is helping me get back on track, thanks to the Mayo Clinic.  I'm also thrilled to be out walking again and happy to report that through determination and grit, I finished another marathon (that's a whole other post).   It's good to take stock of what you need to do to "suck it up" when hard times come.  I know a little more about me now as a result.  I'd love to hear what helps you stay strong when times are hard and any feedback you might have on the subject.