Are You There Blog? It's me, Barbara...

Six months.  Almost to the day.  It's been 6 months since I last posted on my beloved little blog.  Why?!  I've been asking myself that a lot the last few weeks.  Why did I just stop writing?  Something that was bringing me so much pleasure and was so cathartic in my healing.  I just dropped it like a dead weight, never to return again for six long months.  Why?!  Why am I just now revisiting it?  Picking it back up like a long lost teddy bear, turning back to it after all these months of neglect.  Why?!  Because I need it...

I've been thrown for physical loop, and I've tried for a long time to just ignore it.  Mind over matter.  Go about my business.  I'm ok.  A jedi mind trick of epically failing proportions.  Just because dozens of doctors missed it, and couldn't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  I am sick.  I've said that for almost 3 years.  I am not well. Something isn't right.  My body doesn't work like this.  What's wrong with me?  And I took it out on my blog.  If I stop writing about it, I take away it's power.  If I ignore it, it will just go away.  I was lying to myself...

So now I know.  Now I have a diagnosis (POTS and NMS and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis) and all the nasty honesty that goes along with it.  Some good news (I'm not dying,) some not so good news (I'm being regularly tortured by my own body,) and lots of uncertainty (very rare, recently researched, no cure, lots of hit and miss treatments.)

So where do I turn to?!?  My blog.  Because Judy Blume didn't write a book about me and dysautonomia, the utter breakdown of my autonomic nervous system.  So many questions.  So much stress.  So many unknowns.  So very scared about what this really means for the rest of my life.  The overwhelming impact it has on my poor husband and my young child, not to mention the rest of my family and friends.  I should reach out.  I need to reach out!

So here I am again.  Are you there, blog?  It's me, Barbara, and I need you now...