Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Art of Being Sick or Everything I Learned About Being Sick I Learned From Being Chronically Ill

There are many moments of deja vu I've experienced since being chronically ill. A certain "hey, haven't I done this before or experienced this already or explained this previously" feeling that overcomes me when I'm getting ready to plant myself squarely on Step 1...again.  I'm at that point now.  It's surreal.  No matter what doctor I talk to, what medication I try, what lab test I undergo, I still always seem to eventually end up at the same spot, leaving more questions than answers and wondering what my next step should be.  After a long loop of more Mayo testing, discoveries, medications, mysteries, and ER visits, I'm back at that horrible Step 1 again.  I'm learning the hard way about being sick and dealing with all the stresses and strains that go along with a chronic illness.  It's an art to carry on this way and still keep "you" in tact.  I've learned much along the way and thought I'd share it now, if only to reinforce those hard gained lessons to myself.  Without further ado, I present the Art of Being Sick...

                  Try ~ It's always easy the first time around to try something new.  The excitement, the thrill, the hope and expectation that trying a new med, a new approach, a new exercise, a new doctor will bring about the help your body desperately needs.  It's not easy to try something new when you've spent years trying to fix the same condition and feel like you've exhausted every possible hope of relief.  But that simply isn't true.  There's always a new approach, experience, doctor, even medication.  Don't give up. Try!

               Stop Trying ~ This is why being sick is an art.  Sometimes you need to stop trying.  The act of what feels like beating your head against a brick wall is often not only physically, but mentally exhausting.  Your brain and will power can't always run nonstop without a break.  So, stop trying for awhile. Give yourself and your support system a break.  You NEED the break!  Stop trying occasionally, but don't ever give up!

             Teach & Talk ~ Being sick, especially with a long term chronic condition, is a very intimate and personal experience.  But, it's one that has a very real and long reaching ripple effect on those around you.  It impacts EVERYTHING!  Your caregivers, loved ones, friends, school, work, and even your medical care team are all people who are affected by your illness, despite even your best efforts.  It's not fair to expect them to know what's going on inside your body unless you teach them and talk it out.  It can make you very vulnerable, but there is no learning without teaching, and no enlightenment when others are in the dark.

             Release ~ Being sick is no state to foster and harbor resentment, pain, hurt, unnecessary stress and toxic people (especially doctors) and situations.  Your chronic illness will supply all the negative feelings and emotions you can handle all by itself.  Sickness is a prime time to release any and all things, activities and people that are not loving, supportive and compassionate in your life. It is a painful reality, but of utmost importance to your own well being to let go of all that is toxic and counterproductive to your health. Take a deep breath, then release!

            Cry and Laugh ~ This sucks, so cry!  You're scared, so cry!  The mountain is too high to climb, so cry!  You are a human being.  You have emotions.  They are part of our stress release mechanism and mental health aids.  So cry, but don't forget to laugh.  Not every moment of every day is the end of the world.  Joy abounds, so laugh. Find something funny and have a solid gut jiggling belly laugh.  I guarantee that you will feel better immediately after.  You aren't a martyr, robot, or Spock from Star Trek, you're sick... so cry AND laugh!

             Live ~ There are moments either in the day, or the week where you feel better than the rest of the time.  Use that time to live!  Push yourself to do something you love, even if it's not as much fun as it was before you were ill.  Find a new way to pursue your old dreams and desires.  Don't let chronic illness rob you of the inner person you are and have always been.  Read a book, take up crocheting, blog, walk if you can, craft when you can, cook when you can, watch something stupid on TV, push yourself to get outside and experience life when you can.  You are still you, so don't forget to live!

It's an art being chronically ill.  A life filled with constant ying and yang, trying to always find the ever illusive balance to help bring peace.  I struggle with this every single day, refusing to let the "me" that I've developed over the last 40+ years be wiped away by hyperadrenergic POTS, NCS, menopause, Hashimoto's thyroid disease, psoriasis and anything else my body wants to add to the list.  I know these artful tips sound a bit preachy and maybe even condescending. They're meant to be.  I've written them for myself so I can read and re-read them again every time I end up back at Step 1 or whenever my resolve wavers as my journey continues.  If you have had or every battled a long term illness, what have you learned along the way?  I'd love to hear from you!